The Super Bowl, The Party, The Email Expert — 50 Cent

INT. 50 CENT’S OFFICE — DAY

50 Cent sits at his desk, scrolling through social media on his computer. He notices various posts and messages about the Maxim & Vivid Seats Super Bowl party in Las Vegas, featuring him as a headliner.

INSERT SCREEN:

• Screengrabs of the event landing page showing the trolley image and webpage scrolling issues.

BACK TO SCENE:

Frustration builds on 50 Cent’s face as he slams his hand on the desk.

50 CENT:

(voice rising)

This is a damn mess. How they gonna promote me like this? I need to set things straight.

He opens his email, addressing Stan Chia, the CEO of Vivid Seats, and begins typing with determination.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Unacceptable Mismanagement of Super Bowl Party Promotion

Yo Stan,

What the hell is going on with your company, man? I’ve been seeing all this buzz about me headlining the Maxim & Vivid Seats Super Bowl party, but your marketing game is straight-up trash!

First off, you got me in some trolley with other artists like it’s a damn circus or Mister Roger’s Neighborhood. I’m 50 Cent, not some sideshow act — not Music Man Stan. And then when users try to check out the other headliners, the whole damn webpage horizontally scrolls like a mySpace page. What’s up with that geriatric web development?

Then, your ticket sales page is a mess too. I’m listed second to 21 Savage? Are you kidding me? Who’s the real headliner here? Get your facts straight! Who got shot more? And I’m not talking about ozempic shots from WeightWatchers.

Also, I checked your company website, and it explains it all. Two quality assurance roles and 8 open engineering positions? An open email program lead role? What kind of operation are you running? And why’s your IP address on Spamhaus Blocklist for “informational purposes”? That’s a damn embarrassment! Give me the money for all them jobs and a board seat. Where is my money by the way?

I need answers, Stan. Fix this mess before it ruins the whole damn party. You’re making me look bad, and I don’t play that game, my ninja.

Call my phone.

- 50 Cent

Today’s blog post was brought to you by a chatGPT prompt.